The “Secret”
Posted: Sunday, September 21, 2008
by Judi Lake
Judi Lake Advertising
The conversation was getting heated and I, sitting in the
passenger seat of the car, had no escape route.
“You mean to tell me, you are against abortion? Even in
rape cases?"
Exasperated, I reply, “Yup."
“I am so sick of all you holy roller right wing crazy
Christians who have no concept of life!"
Strongly, I rebut, “No woman has the right to terminate any
pregnancy regardless of how the child is conceived."
Red faced, the driver screams out, “How would you know? Statistics prove that rape is the most
horrible invasion a woman could experience! Typical statement from someone like
you—you have no right to make that statement!"
Sadly, I whisper, “Oh, yes I do."
***
“Have you picked out any names yet?"
“Yes. If it’s a boy, I’ll name him Jesse and if a girl,
Isabel."
Silence awkwardly fills the air as I nervously stir my
already stirred hot chocolate.
Finally, Maureen compassionately says, “Judi, let me be with
you when you tell your parents; this is going to be real hard and you are going
to need all the support you can get."
Staring into my friend’s caring eyes, I lovingly mouth the
words, “I love you" and, as I prepare to journey home, respond, “Thanks, Moe,
but I have to handle this alone. Just pray for us, please, that’s all I ask… just
pray."
It is the spring of 1977 and I am single, frightened and
twelve weeks pregnant. My head spins as I walk the eighteen blocks home.
Predictably, all but Maureen advises me to abort but I opt
not to. Convinced that everything
happens for a reason, I know that I will find the strength to carry this
pregnancy full term and love this child…
… even if it was conceived through rape.
For the past three months I exist within a split
personality. The “faithful" side of me knows that all will work out for the
good while the “human" side of me still can’t comprehend how this could have happened…
especially by my boss. Am I that naïve? I trusted him yet he savagely raped me
in the parking lot of a busy mall.
There are witnesses, but no one helps me.
And when my boss disgustedly pushes me out of his car, I
fall to the ground and am humiliated further by the venomous comments from
those around me.
Desperately seeking help, I am restrained by a woman who
screams out in disgust: “A whore gets what she deserves. You are an ugly
whore!"
In a daze, I manage to get home safely and shower before
anyone suspects my horrible “secret". I scrub myself so hard that my hands
bleed; I compulsively continue to scrub every inch of my body so as to wash the
“dirty feeling" away. I finally understand the horrors of rape but am too
frightened to confide in anyone.
So I decide to make it go away and “pretend" it didn’t
happen.
And now, I am carrying his child inside my womb. Two blocks more to walk, I pray aloud and beg
God for the grace to remain strong. I already love my baby but hate the father
with an intensity I never knew I had. I feel dizzy and assume it is part of the
horrendous morning sickness I have been having and sit on the curb to rest. I
lean down and notice blood trickling down between my legs.
I panic. Not for me, but for my baby. Dear God, what is
going on, I pray. I am afraid but feel too
weak to walk the remaining two blocks. I call out to the boys playing in the
street for help and then black out.
I awaken a day and a half later in a hospital bed. My mother
is the first person I see and there are tears in her eyes. She knows, I think
to myself.
But it’s too late. I lost my Isabel who is now safely in the
arms of the Lord.
***
With all of the controversy regarding abortion, I can attest
from my own experience that a pregnancy is a pregnancy regardless of how
conception occurs. The child,
unfortunately, is always a victim and we, as adults, are to be their
protectors. It is God’s job to handle life; not ours.
Had my baby survived, she would be thirty-one years old
today. Although this happened many years ago, there is not a day that doesn’t
go by that I don’t think of her and pray for her.
I am her mamma and that’s all there is to it. Rape was no
longer an issue once a life began growing inside my womb.
Throughout history, many wonderful, outstanding people have
been conceived in rape. Are they any less worthy of life than those of us
conceived in love? I think not.
God, your thoughts?
For more information about children conceived in rape, go
to: http://www.rebeccakiessling.com/Othersconceivedinrape.html
Judi, very beautifully done. It's the personal stories that grip the heart and God was gracious. He is in charge of life. The child is always the gift, I have a few friends that are the product of rape, I can't imagine life without them. They are treasures who have made a difference in the lives of those around them. Thanks for sharing your personal story. I applaud your courage more than you know. Love & Hugs, TeresaHi Teresa! Thank you for your insight and kind comments. I knew I took a gamble when I posted this; actually my husband was against it but the subject matter is that important that I felt it needed to be done. I am not sure if I'm courageous but I can say that in some instances I'm extremely convicted and unbendable. Hugs your way, Miss L!
Well spoken, Judi. God has a design for all of us. Unfotunately, men attempt to subvert the design. And then there are slugs like rapists that walk our streets. Sometimes justice should be swifter. I admire you for the stand that you took and for the courage to write and publish the truth. My hat is off to you and all the other ladies who detest abortion.Thanks, dear Mr. Ted. As I told Teresa, I took a gamble but it needed to be said. A life is a life no matter what and that's all there is to it. Maybe America wouldn't be so vulnerable if we'd bring God back into the picture. Thanks for your kindness and support!
Excellent Judi,I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, I was one of those also who had been raped. I didn't concieve at that time, but there were other times where I still have to deal with the pain of my past choices. Thank God that I have been redeemed through His son Jesus.God bless youI am sorry that you, too, were a victim, Michelle. We ALL deal with the pain of past choices; that is what being "human" is but isn't it great that we have a God who's ready to clean slates and embrace us lovingly just as we are? Thanks for your support and comments!
hi judi girl,i'm sorry for what you went through, and i agree, a baby should be born no matter what the circumstances leading up to it.thanks for sharing your heart,my best to you,sueAlthough traumatic, I am grateful for the experience only for the fact that I can understand and help others who have had the same experience -- it is important that we support and help each other and understand that we "are not alone"Thanks, Jersey Girl!
God rewarded you with Laura when you thought your childbearing days were over. Isn't He a good God?Actually, April, God protected me then; although I was saddened by the miscarriage I was not prepared emotionally or financially to be a single mom and God in His grace took my baby home. How great is our God? Thanks for commenting, April.
Judi I always knew but this wonderful article confirms what a very special person you truly are. I know there are people all over like you who wonder how we fit into such a world? Yet we also know God has a purpose, a reason, a path for us. To you my dear and good friend all the blessings and best wishes. RobertHi dear Robert! As I've told others, I took a gamble but felt this needed to be posted. Within your comments, I feel the same about you and I hope you know that. And yes, I do believe within our world there are many good, God fearing people or this world wouldn't ended a long time ago. ...now for the sleepwalkers to arise! And thats where YOUR articles come in, Mr. Robert, to awaken the sleepers. Hugs and blessings to you and thanks for your support.
Judi, I have always thought you were a special person. Now I know you are. Thanks for a beautifully written article about something I can't even imagine. Great job!Hi James! Honestly, you've humbled me so that I don't know how to respond to you other than saying, "Thank you" -- Through your own writing, I admire you as well and actually miss you! Thanks again, James - you've touched me deeply.
Judi, What a powerful and moving experience for you to share with us--and what a tribute you gave to your child on what would have been her birthday, if she had lived. She clearly lives in your heart. Very touching. Warmly, BarbaraThank you, Barbara - I wasn't quite sure what the reaction would be in posting and am humbled by the kindness and warmth. Yes, Isabella remains in my heart but more importantly, may this be a plea for the unborn. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Judi, I am sorry for what you had to experience and grateful for your courage to share it. I've never heard the case against abortion put so strongly and well. It IS a blessing that out of pain and fear and torment, something wonderful...a child...may come.DianneThank you, Dianne - I am truly humbled by the kindness of all of you and now am glad that I did post this. Dianne, no other words come to mind other than "thank you" with sincerity and a hug.
