I "Hate" You Because… Can Prejudice Be “Unlearned”?
Posted: Sunday, February 10, 2008
by Judi Lake
Judi Lake Advertising
“’Mornin’, Miss Judi! When y’all plannin’ on leavin’?"
“Probably June, Mr. Ray, probably June."
“We’ll all miss ya, y’know. ‘Been a real pleasure knowin’ y’all, Miss Judi, ‘specially that little ‘un of yours, Miss Laura."
“Well, we’re not gone yet, Mr. Ray! You’ll still have a few more months of us!"
As I drive away, I watch “Mr. Ray" grow smaller in my rear view mirror. He was one of the “first locals" I had met when I moved to this small town of Loris a little over six years ago.
My husband will be leaving the low country in two weeks to set our new roots and I, along with the rest of our family, will join him in June. Unlike many other New Yorkers’ who claim to remain “an outsider," I immediately felt accepted.
“Miss Judi, you’re different; you’re not like other Yankees!"
“What do you mean?"
“You’re not “pushy" like the other folks who come here. You mind your own and you respect our ways. You blend real well, Miss Judi, real well…."
I understood. Many of “my own" have unjustly criticized my Southern neighbors for being “unworldly." Many Southerners secretly loathe “Yankees" for being pushy and loud. Prejudice remains hidden on all sides alienating the true beauty of inner souls. As I reflect on this further, I wonder if prejudice is primarily based on a lack of knowledge and respect towards other cultures.
I wonder, as I watch my eight-year-old child innocently embrace life, if prejudice is learned….
When I first married, I moved to my husband’s home town of Sag Harbor; a quaint, old seaport town with a great deal of history on the eastern tip of Long Island. To survive “small town living," it helped to marry “a local" but with the maiden name of Colahan, auburn hair and hazel eyes, everyone “assumed" my nationality was only of Irish descent and I was accepted in the community with open arms…
until it was discovered that my grandmother’s maiden name was Guiterez. I guess the locals preferred me before they learned I also had Spanish blood within my veins….
Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I knew what being prejudiced against was.
What causes this unfounded hatred?
I believe that hatred is a result of prejudice. Hatred is ignorant of its cause: prejudice . Hate is a feeling and feelings are effects. Although prejudice is also an effect it is the "seed" that is planted which reaps hatred.
The formal definition of prejudice is: (n) an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason; a partiality that prevents objective consideration of an issue or situation; (v) to influence (somebody's) opinion in advance. It is also a legal term as it has to do with judgment, BUT; when we think about this judgment, it has no reasonable basis; because, it is founded on no knowledge, no thought, and no reason! In a court of law it would be thrown out. But, when it comes to our own judgment we do not comprehend that there is no grounds for our judgment, which is always based on past experiences.
Just because we’ve experienced something does not constitute that our interpretation of what we’ve experienced is the truth. In the above definition, it states "a partiality that prevents objective consideration of an issue or situation", this "partiality" causes subjectivity, which is opinion; all opinions are prejudiced and all opinions are judgment. These cannot be real except to the person who makes it real to them self. Actually, everything we do and think is a judgment, and it is always "in our best interest." This is also known as selfishness and selfishness is vanity manifested as "ego."
An elementary example of my own prejudice was in the Spring of ‘05. At that time, I was approached by an Iraqi-American author Dr. Amaal Tokars to design and promote her book, Textual Imagery: Beaconing Organic Citizenry . Since her title meant nothing to me, she explained her concept of "Textual Imagery" to me as being a combination of words and pictures intended to convey information.
I recall picking up one of her chapters and pondered why I was hesitant to delve into her writing. I instantly realized that my own personal “inner demons" were intervening. Without consciously knowing it, I had stereotyped Dr. Tokars as “the enemy" and although I wanted to approach her as a professional, I could not. Why? I had always considered myself open-minded, fair and non-judgmental.
While soul searching, I discovered that I did not trust her or her people, and I was certainly not interested in working with a person of Iraqi descent. Reflexively I felt that she, too, was to blame for the horrendous attack of 9-11, along with all her people regardless if they were American-Iraqis or not. At that time, trust played no part in my relationship with Dr. Tokars.
While reading Dr. Tokars’ manuscript, (title now changed to: America & Iraq: Seduced by Fear ). I groaned inwardly as I thought, “Here I am, as woefully misinformed about the true heart of the Middle Eastern people as most Americans, and vise versa." Soon her work absorbed me and I could clearly understand that Dr. Tokars’ mission was not to divide and conquer but, rather, to inform, educate and promote peace and true freedom within different cultures.
Since then, Dr. Tokars and I have had many conversations and we have bonded as two women who think similarly with regard to family, life and society as a whole. Through her work she and I have connected and mutually agree that different cultures should strive to refute the myth that "we" are somehow essentially different from "them."
As human beings, we believe our opinion, from our experience, is always right, therefore, our criticism of another person is a judgment pronounced in favor of our belief that we are right. If we are right then they have to be wrong because our logic tells us "how can we both right and disagree?" Truth remains immutable, regardless of any opinion or perception of it. In a court of Law, facts are presented, as it pertains to a "particular" situation, which is all. Truth is not "physical", the "physical" are all effects of truth in accordance to our understanding of this.
So how do we “unlearn" prejudice? Can we “unlearn" prejudice?
Only through learning the Truth can all learned prejudices be healed. Only through Truth can we learn to “tolerate" others and live in harmony.
“I will hear what the Lord God has to say - a voice that speaks of peace. Peace to his people and to his friends and those who turn to him in their hearts." -- Psalm 85:5
My prayer is that we are healed of all the prejudices we inwardly harbor and learn to live in harmony.
Heavenly Father and Father of us all, send the Spirit of your Son into the hearts and minds of the people of this land. Remove all bitterness, distrust and prejudice, Give to all a spirit of tolerance, the desire to understand the other's point of view, and an earnest determination to seek for justice and for truth . Amen.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)hi judi, very nice, i don't know where you squeezed in the time. this article was interesting, well written, and made me think. thanks for sharing, my best, sueHa! I think the time was "squeezed" on purpose... Laura had a sleep-over last night and I promise you that those "sweet looking" 8-year-olds touched rearranged everything in this house and I was too tired to attempt to bring any order ... not yet anyway! Happy Sunday and thanks for commenting!
Hi Judi, great job! I think if we were honest, each and every one of us would have to admit we have some form of prejudice in the dark spots of our souls. Except me of course. :-) Thank you for the reminder to check my spirit and allow God to weed out the dark spots of my heart.
Great article, Miz Judi. Well written. I love an article that can make you feel and see and experience what the author has to say. Beautiful. Keep up the good work.
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