Just What 11-Year-Old Girls Need: A Contraceptive Program!
Posted: Friday, October 19, 2007
by Judi Lake
Judi Lake Advertising
According to the Associated Press , King Middle School in Portland, Maine is the first middle school in Maine to make a full range of birth control available to students in grades 6 through 8. Condoms have been distributed to the students since 2002.
Here’s the kicker : parents may never know if their children are getting birth control from the school health clinic because the kids don't have to get their permission . Under state law, students need parental permission to use the city-run health center in the school, but they don’t have to tell them they are seeking birth control .
The National Assembly of School Based Health Care, a powerful advocacy group in Washington, D.C., are true believers in "children's rights." They believe that since parents don't talk to their kids about sex and contraception, it is their responsibility to take over in that department
[This is considered a solution? Am I getting this right?]
Veda Hicks of DC, Maryland, strongly opposes this decision. "I think at that age kids shouldn't even be thinking about having sex and parents need to be talking about this with their children."
Schlitt, whose organization oversee 1,700 school based health centers nationwide, argues that the clinics fill a void for many kids who can't talk to their parents and many others in urban or rural areas who don't have access to health care.
The comprehension that a school would even consider dispensing birth control to children as young as 11 has outraged many Americans. "Children who are sexually involved have much deeper problems that are left unaddressed by the band-aid approach of birth control," said the Family Research Council. "This practice also paves the way for a cover-up of sexual abuse, with children increasingly at risk."
The tragic reality, however, is that one out of every three children is having sex at the age of 10.
Personally, I believe it has to do with how we sexualize our children in a culture that is obsessed with sex. A recent study found that because our TV, films, music and magazines are saturated with sexual images targeted at the young, these then inform our teens and preteens at a time when they are looking to develop their own identity. The research argued that not only does our media define for many young people how they construct their sexual norms, but sexual behavior is also made “mainstream cool."
I was shocked when I recently saw a T-shirt for three-year-olds emblazoned “future porn star," and last Christmas one major retailer was stocking a pole-dancing kit for young children. If these are the messages that our children receive at a time when they are too young to process them in a responsible manner, then an increasing number of them will go with the flow and have sex. Period.
Unfortunately, we are still a society that is remarkably bashful about talking honestly to our children about sex and “sweeping things under the carpet." Many of us believe that if we talk about “it," they’ll do it. This is as dangerous as John Schlitt’s contraceptive program!
Do you honestly believe that sex at 11 is a risk to your child? If you do then explore every way you can to get your child to think about their behavior and/or getting counseling where you can discuss this as a family.
The best way to prepare your child for sex is to discuss it at an early age. Make sure you child learns not only the biological explanation of sex but also the social and moral implications of having sex. Explain to them what HIV and AIDS are, as well as the various sexually transmitted diseases and the complications they can cause for your child. Explain to your child that using a condom is not enough to prevent either diseases or pregnancy; it only reduces the risk . Explain to your child about abstinence and marriage.
If a situation arises where your child becomes pregnant or gets their partner pregnant then, as a parent, you need to avoid your natural response of anger. Bear in mind that even if they don't show it, your child's natural reaction is fear . If they suppress it, it will only cause further problems. Make sure they understand that while you are not supportive of what they did that you are there to support them.
As a parent it is too late to judge morality after your teenager gets pregnant or impregnates another teenager. The only thing you can do at that point is support your child and reflect if you discussed sex with them early enough and in depth enough when you had the chance. At this point lectures are useless and support is all you can offer.
There are times as parents we need to act in the best interests of our children whether or not they want us to .
If we want to solve the problem of pre-teen/teen sex, we have to do more than supply children with contraceptives. Children need to know why it’s not cool to have sex. We, as parents, must firmly set the standards for our children and sex. We need to teach our children how to make good choices and not put band-aids on problems. We need to regain our roles as parents and begin parenting our babies for their sake and for the sake of the future generation of babies our babies will bring into this world.
Judi and her husband, Gary, have co-authored the book, 7001 Forgotten Secrets of the Ages , due for release in mid October. To learn more, visit: http://www.7001forgottensecretsoftheages.com
This Article has been viewed 871 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsWow, this Carol chick has some real issues going on. Judi, you were crystal clear in this article. With kids there is a great deal of just saying no and thats the way it is. Kids, as you say Judi, need to be parented, not left to parent themselves and sex is not acceptable emotionally or spiritually. I work with troubled teens and although their crusts are hard, their interiors are screaming for love. It's about time investment and guidance and most importantly God. Sex in youngsters is not about sex but more about filling needs that are unmet. Adults, especially today, need to be one step ahead of them and if outside help is needed than so be it. Judi, as usual, you were right on!Tom, I also have worked with troubled teens and can identify with what you say. I agree that raising and/or working with kids is a lot about time investment, guidance and God. Thank you for your comments and God bless you and your work!
I have 3 daughters whose ages range between 13 through 19 and with each I personally brought them to the doctor for birth control. My husband and I were heartsick, but what could we do? The times we live in have made the children grow up so much quicker. I agree with Carol from Davis in the sense that saying no doesn't accomplish a thing. Once they've gone over the line, there is no turning back. I want to add that all 3 of my girls are honor students and are not one problem in our home or to society.Anon, I don't know how to respond to this; obviously I don't agree with condoning nor supplying birth control to youngsters. In my opinion, it's not just about NOT getting pregnant; it's about morals, self respect and dignity. In my days, a girl who had pre-marital sex was considered a "loose" and by today's standards, well, it's ok... it should NEVER be ok! Let's face it, it's a whole lot easier to "yes" our kids than it is to instill strong values but I'm the kind of person who always thinks long-term as well as short-term. Our children are our investment and our job as parents is enormous!
This is insane! So the above person has 3 girls who are honor students and are what you consider good girls and you take them to get birth control as young as 13? This is parenting? I have 8 children, 5 girls and 3 boys ranging from 5 to 23 and let me tell you about parenting. True, my kids were never honor students but neither was I. What matters is that they are good kids and know right from wrong. How do I know? I have been involved with them and also had a serious struggle with my 3rd youngest when she was 15 with drugs and sex. She has turned her life around and is now a responsible married mother of 2 of her own. From experience and very hard work, I know that kids can turn around. Judi, don't be swayed, we're tracking with you!Hello again Missy! Since we both are from New York, can I assume that you get just as "worked up" over issues as I do? (smile) All I can say to you is God bless you and I am happy for you that your situation had a "happy ending." As I tell my friends, I can not guarantee my daughter will NOT get in trouble; no one can guarantee that but I will, as her mother, be there for everything and pray a lot. Parenting is hard work and we must involve ourselves in their lives... whether they like it or not... smile... Thanks for your comments and I hope it gives hope to someone who perhaps is presently experiencing the same ordeal.
This is for Carol. Yes, kids can change and become enlightened because I am one who has. In ninth grade I slept with everbody I could and went to first period drunk. My parents were divorcing and I was angry at everyone and I didn't care about a thing especially me. My mother caught me and was on me and we fought constntly. It wasn't just me, I have 3 younger brothers but mom never let me go. She worked hard with me and took me to a therapist which I hated but I hated the divorce more and that my dad was remarrying. It took 2 long hard years but I do say no and live my life purely now. I am 18 years old and happy. Thanks to my mother I know how to make the choices I need to make. Don't write off every young person thats not fair. Some do change and thats what counts. Kids shouldn't have sex and I regret every time I slept with boys but at least I can honestly say that the next time I will sleep with someone I will be married.God bless you for your honesty, courage and for being you!h is is a beautifully put together testimony that I pray will enlighten others who may be experiencing what you had. I am thrilled that your life has turned around and I truly hope you find life's beautiful treasures throughout your life. Thank you so much for responding!
Hello Anonymous. You are extremely lucky to have had a caring parent. What about the girls who don't? I certainly don't write off every child or I never would have adopted another at my stage of life. It's because I know, and so should you, that there is no "one-size-fits-all" for everyone. Saying there's an easy way to stop young girls from having sex is a total cop out. Does it work? NO! Did your mother have to work "2 long hard years " ? Yes she did. Do you know how lucky you are not to be raising a child at your age? Babies deserve competent, mature parents. And, not to be too repetitive, babies should not be giving birth to babies. You made many of my points for me. You never told your Mom you were sexually active, she caught you! You "fought constantly". You were "angry" and acted out sexually. So would it have been better if you had also been pregnant on top of all the rest of the misery you went through?Aw, come on, Carol, the poor girl spilled her heart out and you are lecturing her. Instead of building her up, giving her an "atta-girl" you choose to find all the reasons why teaching young girls NOT TO HAVE SEX is pointless. I applaud BOTH her mother and her and anger is completely understandable. When dealing with kids, it is so important to look at things "through their eyes" in order to understand them while maintaining control. I can only imagine the "hell" her mom went through but I will tell you one thing: her mother's love won out. A mom is a trigress and nothing will stand in the way of her babies. I beg to differ on many of your viewpoints, and I shan't argue with you. I will give a final response as an offering of hope. Before I married, I worked with many young, troubled girls who either had drug problems, were promiscuous, etc.... As the saying goes, "some made it and some didn't" but what a marvelous celebration for those who have. And for those who haven't Carol? You don't write 'em off, you maintain "hope" and pray and remain a "role-model" -- If God can have faith in His silly humans then who are we to expect less. I've seen miracles in my life and I hope you do as well!
On the contrary, I think its great that "Anon" made it through. Please note she had the help of a caring parent and a therapist to get her back on track and it took two years to do it. Now, one more time, what about the girls that don't have those resources? I'm not writing them off by saying its better if they are not parents at a far to young age. I celebrate with all my heart the ones that make it past the emotional devastation of promiscuous behavior. I am not going to trash the ones who don't. You say you have worked with youngsters who had problems. I'm saying you have to make decisions about what's right not just for your child, but for every child, most especially the ones who don't have parental resources to cling to. The only resource they may have is through the school. I find it appalling that any child is in so much emotional pain that they turn to sexual behaviors that are destructive. The only thing worse is forcing them into being a parent on top of the rest of their hurts. Why would anyone want to do that?Carol, I’ve been sick for the past few days, but will try to answer you as best as I can. Within your lines, I do sense genuine concern and that is wonderful. We cannot guarantee anything in this lifetime; as imperfect as it is, all we can do is try and do the best we can. I witness many, many children who are left alone, lonely and searching as young as 5 years of age. Sadly, a few years ago, when my daughter was in first grade she invited a little girl over to spend the night. Her mom only knew me casually; not intimately. To my surprise and, yes, shock, the mom wound up picking up her daughter 5 days later! Every time I tried calling the mom there was no answer and aware that I could be accused of “kidnapping” I honestly didn’t know what to do. Interestingly, the little girl did not cry nor want to go home the entire time she was here. What startled me the most was that the little girls mom really did not know me. Although on the outside I may appear nice, etc., how did she know she could trust me with her child? She didn’t and she took a risk that was both foolish and harmful for her child. The above Anon’s recount is HER story and her story alone; a story of triumph that she owns. As I told her, I applaud BOTH her and her mom. Parenting is hard work and there’s not much of it going on today. People are so-o-o busy… busy doing this, busy doing that and forgetting our children. So what do we do with those who have no resources? I am not sure. All I can say is that we stay open to the children and continue to be role models. Perhaps, and God willing, if they can’t talk to someone at home, they may just pick you or I one day. This did happen to me last year. A former classmate of my daughter’s confided very dark “secrets” to me. Of course, I wasn’t sure if they were true or false but through investigation it turned out that the poor child’s mom was an alcoholic and was being abused by her step-brother. Many, many scars but she is doing well now, thank God, though will probably need therapy for a very long time. The only answer I have when I have no answer is to pray. Prayer opens up hope and doors of many. I certainly do not claim to be an expert, but as I say often, Carol, our children NEED us and that’s the bottom line. We cannot afford to be too busy for our children and we have to pay attention to everything.
Judi, I appreciate the time you take writing a response. Let me make clear, one more time, that yes, children should be cared for, preferably by their own parents. There are many who are not, as your own missive illustrates. I suggest staying as involved as possible for other children, not just the ones legally under my care. Kudos to you for trying. Now, on the disappearing mom, why didn't you inform state authorities about this woman's abandonment? Her bizarre behavior needs attention. Training is usually available through local colleges, sometimes for free, in learning what to do as a good citizen who truly cares about children in danger. I also find prayer sustaining, but are you suggesting prayer alone is going to keep a sexually active child from getting pregnant? While offering birth control is not much better than a band aid for a gaping wound, it is still better than nothing at all, which seems to be the problem for these young girls: they don't have anyone to rely on but the people they know at school. It is small wonder they are seeking desperately for "love" in any form, as horribly inappropriate as it is. This is not a perfect world and this story makes it only too plain as to just how awful it can be. I still insist its a thousand times worse to force a child to have a child. Would I rather they were demure young maidens who valued their bodies and themselves? A thousand times YES! Until there are perfect homes with perfect parents in perfect circumstances, we have what we have, ugly circumstances and imperfect answers.Carol, I absolutely agree with you that it is not good for a child to have a child but if an accident happens, then one must deal with it. I honestly don't know what else to say about this; it is hearbreaking to say the least. When that mother left her child with me for 5 days, I did not really know what to do at the time - today I would have handled it differently. I don't believe we have to be parents to care about kids at all. We can certainally "mother" those we haven't given birth to. When I mention prayer I do not mean it in the sense that it will stop unwanted pregnancies but rather for me to gain inner wisdom and understanding. We live in a world I do not understand, Carol -- it is not simple anymore and our children are the ones who are suffering and getting robbed. I have been working on a gang article which part 3 was due about a month ago and I'm stuck -- not for lack of material but because the main protaganist was shot and murdered JUST WHEN WE GOT HIM OUT OF AN ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENT and into a more healthy enviornment with a loving relative. I am heartbroken and cannot pen the rest of the story right now. It's about the kids, Carol, the kids who are our future but everyone is too busy that we have forgotten all about them and they're growing up too fast -- Again, I don't know the solution but we can all do the best we can. I wish you the very best!
Good heavens, woman, you must not be able to sleep much either! I was just checking my e-mails and saw your most recent response at 12:30AM. I understand your grief and share your pain at the loss of another human life. it hurts when you don't know someone intimately, and it hurts more when you DO know them. Every life needlessly lost diminishes us as human beings. Once again, if a band aid is all you have, use it. Compounding endless misery is certainly not the way to go. The best I have found to do is soldier on. It is scant comfort, but I won't give up or give in. Count the wins, grieve for the losses, comfort the wounded in body and spirit, bury the dead, and pray to do no harm.
Mrs. Lake, I am ashamed that I gave into my children's pleas. My children did start having sex early and I though being their friend was the answer which i know now was not. I respect your stand and hope others do as well. My decisions led to destruction.
i am only 10 years old.but i really like this guy.what should i do?
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.